Category Archives: emotions

Four Ways That Fear Creates What it Fears

Posted on September 7, 2011 | Leave a comment

“Never do anything out of a motivation of fear.”
Some of the best advice I have ever received!
Why? Because fear creates what it fears.

  1. Fear of rejection: If you are afraid of being rejected by colleagues or acquaintances, you become clingy and petty – possibly creepy – causing otherwise friendly people to want to steer clear of you, i.e., to reject you.
  2. Fear of losing a lover: If you are afraid of losing a lover to another, you become irrational and  jealous, controlling – potentially driving the person straight into your rival’s arms.
  3. Fear of discovery: If you have a guilty conscience, you become accusatory and defensive, arouse suspicion, and provoke others to dig into your life until you are exposed.
  4. Fear of betrayal: If you fear betrayal, you will consistently  misinterpret actions, become petty and treat others as unworthy of trust – a pattern of behavior that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy culminating in (you guessed it) “betrayal.”

It’s just how it works. I’m not sure why. But fear does create what it fears.
So now – before I take action or respond in a situation, before I pick up the phone or send the text or say yes or no to a request for help, before I censor myself on Twitter or Facebook – I try to remember to ask myself “why?” Why am I doing or not doing this? Am I acting out of fear?

Just might be the most important question we can ask ourselves today.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in attraction, bitterness, blessing, confusion, control, destiny, emotions, facebook, faith, fear, fear of rejection, feelings, grace, growth, guilty conscience, it's all about me, joy, loss, mission, moving on, past, persecution, perseverance, perspective, pruning, purpose, responsibility, self-fulfilling prophesy, success, support, tears, twitter, when things don't make sense

Your Voice

Posted on August 28, 2011 | Leave a comment

[The theme of Voice has been dancing about in my head for several weeks. I ran into this post, written by me three years ago. It is so timely for today! I'd love to hear your thoughts - do you feel you have found your voice, or (like many of us) are you "in process"?]

This post is about your voice. And your seasons.

I am going through a season change… are you? Time to get more involved in some things, and less in others. Can you relate? Thinking through priorities and proportions. This is especially challenging because I am, at heart, both an activist and an artist.

Just what is voice?  It can be a somewhat intangible concept, but by voice I mean the free expression of that unique set of attributes that makes you, you! There is your voice, my voice, God’s voice…

We each have a purpose.  God gives us our voice so we can fulfill that purpose.

I enjoy the gradual unveiling of my children’s voices. And every day I pray that they will learn to hear God’s voice… to love and trust it, to navigate through life guided by it, much as the sailors of old relied on the stars in the heavens.

But the aspect of navigating that has taken me years to learn involves my own voice, and a question (you may find yourself asking the same question): Is my voice effective?

We need to look at all our areas of involvement – at relationships and organizations in our spheres of influence – and ask a fundamental question: Does my voice make a difference? Does anybody hear me? Do they want to hear me?

If I am committed, doing my part, and carefully listening to the voices of others, but having no impact and finding no reciprocity, then that is not a fruitful involvement. It may be time for change. There are likely needs or opportunities elsewhere, just waiting!

Or, it may be time to speak more loudly. But no one likes a shouting match. If you’re in a relationship and have had “the talk” multiple times, to be comforted by a “you’re right” and no change, reconsider that relationship. If you have a friendship with someone who has taken advantage of you repeatedly, and you’ve confronted and received an “I’m sorry” only to be misused again, evaluate if it is truly a friendship. If you’re on a board or team and have expressed the same serious concerns multiple times, to be greeted by “great input” and no action, then reality check. Why force others to listen to you, when somewhere else there is a person praying precisely to hear a voice such as yours? Keep the peace, spread the love… and move on!

Of course, I am not talking about giving up when things get tough… Healthy relationships and organizations will always involve dynamic tension. Love and loyalty are key to managing that tension. But even if you are fighting a fierce battle for social justice, or to grow a business or fulfill a dream, you still have to ask yourself the questions above. Time is short. Before you know it, five years will have passed… and your dreams for tomorrow may have become distant bittersweet memories.

Bottom line today – your voice is invaluable, and there is a predetermined place where it is needed and where there is grace abounding for it to be heard. Relax in that knowledge. Listen, think, pray, speak, be thoughtful about your season change. Then watch that last leaf fall and welcome the new season. And as your senses soak in the change, listen for God’s voice and remember – He is listening for yours!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in character, creativity, destiny, diversity, emotions, faith, fear, feelings, intuition, leadership, mission, moving on, past, perseverance, perspective, success, vocation, voice

Are You Working Too Hard?

Posted on March 23, 2011 | Leave a comment


Faith and I were exploring the campground. Faith is ten. We wandered over to the bathrooms, which were a five-minute walk from our primitive campsite. I propped the heavy door open with my foot, and in the darkness I struggled to turn on the light. I pushed the switch; I pulled it; I pressed it up and pressed it down.

No luck.

Then Faith reached up underneath my arm, and turned the switch.  As she turned away toward the sinks, she laughingly said, “You work too hard at it, Mommy. It’s funny.”

It hit me. Like a ton of bricks.

She is so right. I work too hard. At a lot of things.  Always trying to get it right. A bit like a ringmaster in a three-ring circus, jaunting from ring to ring, making sure all the acts are perfect, every performer happy and feeling listened to… All this while envisioning electrifying new acts, novel adventures, what can be.

What did I learn from my Faith? A better question is: of what did Faith remind me?

One word – REST. That word has been echoing from my chest for several weeks, trying to get my attention. Close friends have verbally highlighted that word for me as we have prayed or talked. And God has steadily and insistently told me to REST.

Anytime you pioneer with your business or ministry, you face daunting tests. Obstacles bigger than your abilities. That is what we have been working through…

My goal now? To say, “That is what we have been RESTing through…”

What about you? Advice for the rest of us? What is the one thing that helps you to REST when life gets frantic?

→ Leave a comment

Posted in confusion, control, destiny, discouragement, emotions, faith, feelings, habits, perseverance, perspective, self-centeredness, stuck, success, the journey, women

How to Deal

Posted on October 9, 2010 | Leave a comment

Ever get hit by something unexpected? A sudden setback, an abrupt souring of a  relationship, an illness that snuck up and pounced, a long held dream smothered without warning?

It’s hard to deal, isn’t it, when something blindsides us? I think it feels so wrong because these instances come with no warning, no margin for transition, no time to “get used to it.” They feel merciless, and they give us emotional whiplash.

So, how do you make it through without having your spirit broken, or losing the essence of who you are?

Here are a few touchstones I have found helpful in surviving these stealth attacks from life:

Don’t Panic
I always remember something Rudy Giuliani shared. He said that his father taught him:
“My father, when I was very young, used to say to me, ‘If you are ever in an emergency, if you are ever in a fire and everybody gets very excited, very emotional, then you become the calmest person in the room.’”

Find the Rock
In order to be calm, and – very importantly – stay calm, you have to know you are standing on a very solid rock. God is my Rock, and his words to me are beyond comforting. They literally give me physical, emotional and spiritual strength. There are key Bible verses that have made me strong.

Use Your Lifelines
You shouldn’t go through these shaky times alone! In a wise way, ask for help. I believe with every cell in my body that prayer works. There are people in our lives put there strategically by God. They have been gifted with the right words to pray for us!

In the next few posts we can talk more about these points… In the meantime, I wonder how others cope? How do you deal?

→ Leave a comment

Posted in anger, bitterness, blessing, confusion, discouragement, emotions, faith, fear, feelings, future, God, grace, growth, habits, influence, living, loss, miracles, moving on, perspective, purpose, suffering, tears, the journey, unexpected

Tuning Forks and Tears

Posted on January 27, 2009 | 6 Comments

I appreciate tears! I smile as I wonder, why did God give us tears?

I’m not being morbid here. I’m in a great mood. But earlier today something made me think about how awesome tears are!

Tears are fascinating to me. In some cultures, tears flow freely, in happiness or in sorrow. In others, they are a sign of weakness. Some say men shouldn’t cry. Others say real men cry. Women in public leadership are not allowed to cry. Men in public leadership – well, it depends on the situation as to how the public interprets their tears. Some children cry loudly, some stifle their cries. Supposedly, a good cry cleanses your body from toxins (one of my personal favorite tear-facts!)… There are thousands of other tear-related truths. You are probably thinking of a few right now. (Do share!).

At times, tears are a sign that our heart is resonating with God’s, like a tuning fork. For that moment, we feel Him so closely and sense so strongly what He is saying, that the only response is a deeply emotional one. These resonating tears can make a far greater impact than the most eloquent sermon.

Today I saw an example of that. I saw a church leader so forcefully impressed by God’s love that he struggled to speak, and when he did, tears were the punctuation marks to his words. They were resonating tears. He just wanted us to get it – that ministry is all about people, not numbers, not statistics.

It was comforting, because I know that when we as leaders are aware of our failings, Christ shows up strongly to do His thing.

Which is why, folks, I really appreciate tears!

→ 6 Comments

Posted in anger, emotions, feelings, God, grace, mourning, soul, suffering, tears, tuning fork

Supposing He Found Us?

Posted on January 3, 2009 | 5 Comments

[This was written by one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis, in his book Miracles. It is deep, but simple!]

It is always shocking to meet life where we thought we were alone. ‘Look out!’ we cry, ‘it’s alive‘. And therefore this is the very point at which so many draw back – I would have done so myself if I could – and proceed no further with Christianity. An ‘impersonal God’ – well and good. A subjective God of beauty, truth and goodness, inside our own heads – better still. A formless life-force surging through us, a vast power which we can tap – best of all.

But God Himself, alive, pulling at the other end of the cord, perhaps approaching at an infinite sped, the hunter, king, husband – that is quite another matter. There comes a moment when the children who have been playing at burglars hush suddenly: was that a real footstep in the hall? There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion (‘Man’s search for God!’) suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that! Worse still, supposing He had found us?

→ 5 Comments

Posted in C.S. Lewis, emotions, faith, God, influence

Strong Women Who Rock

Posted on November 3, 2008 | 5 Comments

A bit like tropical weather… We laugh together. We cry together. Often at the same time!
This group of women (and quite a few who couldn’t join us that day) is love in action. We have been together as a small group for over two years. The group morphs, as new ones join and others have to step out for a while due to life circumstances. Our backgrounds are diverse. It is quite a journey, and it is never boring!
Peter and I are also part of a mixed group. Besides that, I am blessed to belong to a ministry team of creative women!
Each of these groups has a special role in my life. We bless each other as we sojourn together.
Do you have someone to do life with? If not, what do you think gets in the way?

→ 5 Comments

Posted in celebrate, emotions, small groups, women

The Trouble with Women

Posted on October 12, 2008 | 1 Comment

Women are so emotion driven, aren’t they? Generally tossed around by circumstances, especially because they tend to feel for others? Aren’t men less complicated?

Come on, don’t some of you secretly feel like the foreman in the video below? And gals, don’t we once in a while think maybe it would be easier to work with men, to avoid the cattiness?
HR Manager: “What’s wrong with her?”
Foreman: “Well, she’s a woman isn’t she?”

Hopefully I have made someone confused and/or mad by this post.
We’ll talk some more about the trouble with women in the next few days…

→ 1 Comment

Posted in character, emotions, feelings, head, heart, leadership, male-female relationships, woman, women