It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

Did you know that there is an annual Best Worst Writer contest? It is the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, and it is named for the man who wrote the now infamous words of my title… “It was a dark and stormy night.” It rewards the writer of the best worst opening paragraph ever.

For your enjoyment – this gem from Jim Gleeson, the 2007 Contest winner:
“Gerald began—but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them ‘permanently’ meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash—to pee.”

Personally, I think bad writing takes skill. I happen to be so skilled, that at times I unintentionally produce material which could, in fact, win me that coveted $250 in prize money!

But is that really what I want?! You are enlightened, and I need your help. I may have bad writing skills, but you have power. The power to save me from myself.

My dilemma: My Journal and I had a creative meeting this morning. My Journal was griping about the dozens of entries which have a capital B in the margin, representing a potential Blog entry. Truth be told, we had quite a row about it. (I hope you read that last sentence with a British accent, because I wrote it with a British accent).

An intervention being threatened, I promised my Journal I would get help. That is where you come in.

Tomorrow, I am going to publish a list of topics I can blog about this year. Then you will tell me what to do. Seriously. Tell me what interests you. Please don’t leave me hanging, as I reach out for help!

“I’m counting on you loyal readers,” she thought as she sat that Sunday afternoon in her somewhat cluttered office, placing the weight of decision-making squarely on the shoulders of casual blog surfers and lurkers, whilst her children happily hummed and played in the other room, the embodiment of all good, even as her lovingly devoted to football husband prepped for the lesson he would teach tonight. “Oh no!” she suddenly exclaimed, as the fact that it was time to start dinner flattened her creativity like a ton of bricks.

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6 thoughts on “It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

  1. I concur…that guy should win “worst opening paragraph ever.” But it IS kinda of cool to be renown for that! OK, I’m gonna check back for your list-o-topics. I’ll be casting my vote.

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  2. Can a reader also suggest a topic? I have several ideas but I’m too lazy to start a blog — or too overwhelmed by the very idea.By the way, how do the creators of the Best Worst Writer contest find those gems in the first place? Surely this year’s winner couldn’t have actually been published…

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  3. Hey Dearest Biggest Fan – They’re choosing from my Journal list – which are topics which already interest me, or about which I have already been writing/thinking! No danger there. But there are specific interests among the regular readers… I have other projects elsewhere… here, I’m happy to write about what people want to hear.

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  4. You need to write for you, not anybody else. Don’t be so self-conscious about it. People relate to you, which means they’ll relate to what you write… But only if you’re true to yourself.Love,Your Biggest Fan.

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