“the kind of dad I have goes to the store at 10pm to buy me tres leches (or other random cravings) when I’ve had a not-so-great day such as yesterday, and he’s been doing that since I was knee-high to a grasshopper (tall people, am I still knee-high to a grasshopper?) thanks Daddy.”
That is a recent facebook post from our daughter, @sadpotatoes… Yesterday had been a bit of a rough day emotionally for all of us, for various reasons… When I saw her post and the comments on it today, it reminded me of how I learned to make a cup of tea!
So, at the risk of embarrassing Peter even more, and with the excuse that Father’s Day is not too far away, here goes:
When we were first married, I resented the idea of getting my British-influence South African background husband a cuppa, mostly because of the machista culture I was raised in, wherein brothers and men in general expected to be served… “Mija, ¡¿ya está la comida?!”
One night many years ago, Peter, my sister, and I were hanging out just before ten, watching tv, when the words “I feel like cheesecake!” popped out of my mouth. I just sort of said them to the universe. Without hesitation, he jumped up off the sofa, got his shoes and said he would go get some.
About half an hour later he returned with an entire cheesecake. The story? He’d gone to the local Marie Callendar’s, which had just locked its doors for the evening. He knocked on their door until they let him in and sold him a cheesecake.
And that is how I learned to make a cup of tea.
It’s all about what my pastor in Chile (Alf Cooper!) used to call “mimo mutuo.” Mutual pampering. I discovered that getting a cup of tea (or hunting down a cheesecake) for someone isn’t about control, or anything that complicated! It’s just a nice thing to do. It’s a kindness. Peter is not perfect. Nope. Not at all. Trust me. But he has always modeled kindness for me. And something as simple as that has helped me to begin to know love… And probably helped us to stay married!